Leonard Dick: I'll Give You a Fair Deal

This is an email "House, M.D." strike captain and Canadian Leonard Dick sent to his team today.

Subject: Guild-wide picket Thursday

As the twentieth century rambled into its final decade, this freshly minted MBA landed his first job in Hollywood as a finance executive at Disney. Heeding the lessons garnered at a cost of $60,000 for two years of tuition, room, and board, I invested in myself and purchased a chunk of shares of Disney stock (I also shrewdly bought Philip Morris stock two weeks before the federal courts, for the first time in forty years of class action suits against Big Tobacco, ruled in favor of the plaintiffs to the tune of $300 million).

Though I mothballed my 40-regular suits to become a writer of medical stories of an impeccable verisimilitude, I held on to those shares. I am an owner of Disney. On Thursday, February 6, I come full circle:

I am going to picket myself.

It's kinda poetic. You want a fair deal? I'm going to get you that deal. Because I'm going to get me to give you that deal. Bob Iger works for me. Tomorrow I'm going to march into his office and order him -- that's right, order him -- to give you that deal you've sweated for these last few months

But I need you to fend off the highly trained security guards who will try to assassinate me. Your absence on the picket line tomorrow could have dire consequences. Plus my mother's in town and it would be weird for her to be visiting if I were dead.

It's a Guild-wide picket. Other entertainment unions will be joining us. Info is below.

Picketing Shifts: 8am-3pm (8-11, 10-1, 12-3)
500 S Buena Vista Street
Burbank, California 91521
Parking Option: Neighborhood streets east of Disney (Parkside Dr.)

I will be pulling the 10-1 shift.

Please come. Give my mother's visit purpose.

Skate blades up!

Leonard Dick, Shareholder of The Walt Disney Company


Phil Idrissi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phil Idrissi said...

Hey...I'll run interference for you.

Back in the '80's (when cocaine was really expensive and non-addictive) I was employed in a pest-control position at several high-profile Manhattan night clubs. That must make me qualified to take out at least a couple of pages.

Seriously...All self-respecting SAG members should be out there tomorrow...NO EXCUSES!!!!

vince said...


Blocking back, left flank, high pick, whatever you need.

SilberBook-Blog said...

Go Leonard! I hope you have massive back-up at the gate and that your visiting mother will be proud and perhaps make snacks...

As another owner of several pieces of said stock - and writer of a movie waiting to air on their "channel" I hope all goes well when you give Mr. Iger the "business".

Be cool.

Alan S.

R. Peacock said...


I got your back today too. But just wanted to point out that your numbers are wrong. The Big Tobacco settlement was more like $300 BILLION, not million. And even with this settlement, your tobacco stock is doing just fine. I think sometimes we forget just how much money these corps make.